YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
is that a dick in a sweater?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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