There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
