After last night, I could never be a politician.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
