today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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