ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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