Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
