Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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