So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
She made me pour olive oil on her.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
