That's intense
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
