Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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