you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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