There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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