the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
