I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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