I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
