come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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