I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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