But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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