I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
