get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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