I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
