the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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