i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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