and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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