The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
not ubering you a puppy
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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