none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
