In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize