You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
