My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
