Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize