I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
My cat gives me a boner
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
