My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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