do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
