The maid of honor just puked.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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