ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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