Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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