I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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