we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
