She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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