the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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