He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize