just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
