hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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