I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
this boner is exhausting
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
