at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Randomize
