I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
