did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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