you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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