Whod you bang
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
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