oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
