Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
