he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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