my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
