Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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