I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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