Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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