me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
