I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
