So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize