I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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