I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
ttyl tear gas
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
