Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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