My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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