Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
