Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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